sleeunit on Xanga

Weblog

Tuesday, 15 May 2012

Just a Few Notes to Myself

1. my cross is meant to bury me, to bring me to the ground, to break me till i admit i can't take another step alone.

2. it is my faith that pleases him the most. not my accomplishments, my righteousness, my love for my family or friends, or the moments i can turn away temptation. it is my faith, my belief that he is in control, that he's got it all laid out, that he's someone i can reach out to and lean on.

Friday, 13 April 2012

Teaching Criticism
a few issues i have with the criticism many people put forth against primary and secondary educators:
1. the idea that someone shouldn't complain if he or she chose to go into a profession that is known to be high stress/low pay/high levels of disrespect is a silly one. people complain when situations are bad, especially if the situation is not one that is caused by the complaining party (and most of the problems that teachers face are not directly caused by their methods/existence). if you chose to take on responsibility that you knew was going to be difficult, it doesn't mean that you have to just grin and bear it. you voice your concerns, try to enlighten your peers, get it off your chest, do/say something about it so it changes/you can stay sane. sure, it may sound like (and, sometimes, may just be) whining, but it's not without merit.
2. assuming the position that educators work less than your average worker and still earn 40k devalues the work, thought, responsibilities, and effort educators make outside of the classroom. pretend you are a teacher at a small high school, and you teach four classes of 25 students each. you aim to have a low number of written assessments in a given marking period (3). each student writes 3-4 pages per assignment. reading these pages, evaluating the strengths, remarking upon their weaknesses, formulating ways to improve the writing, and coming up with a justifiable grade may take, say, 15-20 minutes per paper. 15 mins x 100 students x 3 papers in a marking period x 4 marking periods = 18,000 minutes. that's 300 hours. that's 7.5 full work weeks. and that's if you're at a small school with an average class size grading a low number of papers. now factor in the time it takes to do your other, required duties (other assessments such as tests and quizzes, prep work, pta meetings, faculty meetings, iep meetings, parent/teacher meetings, union meetings, professional development, etc.), you can quickly see how teachers can work many, many more hours a week than your typical 9-5. and this doesn't include travel, game, or club time if you run extracurriculars. teachers never get to clock out, nor do they get to charge per 6 minutes of mental labor.
3. to say that tenured teachers cannot get fired is simply false. it is hard to fire a tenured teacher, but there are protocols and steps to do so if a principal truly feels as though the teacher is inept. the process is no longer than if a supervisor wants to fire a employee at a firm; it is just that there is no network of people whose sole job is to maintain internal affairs.
4. while the pension and health benefits are nice, they often lack reciprocity between districts and states; moving between states, especially, means losing multiple years that are accredited to your pension. other jobs that employ other retirement funds can transfer these plans or at least negotiate for a salary that compensates these losses. the truth is, the best career plan for a teacher is to stay at one spot for as long as it takes to get to that top pension, which is unheard of anywhere else. also, what's bad about having a good pension and health benefits for teachers? even if we disregard the fact that the vast majority of full-time jobs offer similar benefits, do educators not perform noble and essential community services often at a lower pay than others with similar credentials? why is there an outrage against teachers pensions but not cops, social workers, or other government employees?
5. final point, teacher's are well educated. most states now require a master's before a teacher can gain professional status (and, with that, tenure). even after that, it is expected for teachers to always be improving on their craft, always be attending classes, always be doing some sort of professional development. the job of being a teacher is not easy, but it would be a lot more so if people would recognize a) how hard educators work b) make efforts to acknowledge and appreciate it, not simply listen to the media's bashing of the profession.

Monday, 09 April 2012

Easter

i don't know why, but i often get the impulse - nay, the conviction - to write when i'm supposed to be packing. it often leads to long nights and sleepy mornings.

this year, easter come too soon and left too early. i would be lying if i said that i took the time to seriously contemplate my relationship with god, what his son's sacrifice has meant for me, and what a renewed devotion and commitment to his goodness and fullness would look like in my life. instead, i was filled with angst and distraught over making a decision that would ultimately affect, at most, eight weeks of my life. sound trivial? it does now.

i made it me lenten goal to stop worrying, to turn to him in times of my need and angst and earnestly seek him when i was faced with this important season of my life: one that saw me take and pass my mtels, have two job interviews, fill out dozens of other applications, and decide what to do with this summer. instead, i found myself just not caring, pushing away my responsibilities, and - instead of earnestly working on living with faith - i found myself simply existing with a superficial sense of hope and peace.

so, this easter week, when my parents expressed and displayed for me how much they wanted me to come back home this summer, i was faced with worry, with doubt, with the anxiety that comes from making a decision that's larger than "oh, what shall i eat?" but, for some reason, it was amplified, and i felt as though the stakes were higher than merely six-to-eight weeks between july and august. i wrestled with it, talked to friends about it, took long drives in the car silently pondering it. but, i realize now, i never prayed about it, never truly asked god what i should do.

it hit me today that this easter was god prodding me, in his subtle ways, to re-realize my lack of faith and my lack of conviction. this little episode, where i struggled with my summer plans, is exemplary of my struggle with my future plans: i don't even really know what i want. but, that's okay. i think god has been pushing me to acknowledge that, no matter what, i'll be okay, that i need not place so much emphasis in my own efforts for my own plans in my own life because i know that my own efforts for my own plans in my own life is nothing compared to his efforts for his plans in my life that i swore to him. instead of living and working diligently and faithfully for his kingdom, i have narrowed my view on what my pervasive struggles. in my mind, 2012 was not simply a year, but a determining year where the plans for the rest of my life are set into play: i stay in boston, i come back home to nj, i begin to teach, i struggle to find a job, and so on and so on. but now, i get that god has been wanting to show me that 2012 is just one year, one measly year, out of the rest of my life.

i suppose that ought to be a comforting thought, but still, it terrifies me. i guess that's where i am, still holding onto my own plans and thoughts, too short-sighted to see the glory that can be done if i just let go. honestly, if god came up to me right now and asked me what i want, i would not ask for the faith to see his glory in action in my life, i would not ask for his salvation to mend the relationships around me, i would not ask for his security to be all-consuming; i would ask for a job.

i wish i had the faith to let go.

father, give me the faith to let go of my own efforts and embrace yours, to lose sight of my own vision and gain yours, to aim not for my low goals but seek yours; and, may i find in you the fullness that you have promised me: love, joy, acceptance, security, peace, and grace everlasting. your son, samuel lee.

Saturday, 17 March 2012

Politics

things i've come to learn in this past year:

1. democrats argue for what they think is right; republicans argue for what is constitutional (usually)

2. democrats think that republicans are greedy and entitled; republicans think that democrats are lazy and weak

3. democrats have less faith in meritocracy and humanity; republicans have more faith in the system as is and in human's better nature

4. both parties are willing to twist and ignore history to perpetuate their own goals (my bias wants me to assert that republicans are more aggressive with their revisions of history)

5. both parties are willing to sensationalize, attack, and vote along party lines just to spite the other party

6. it doesn't seem to me that the major media really leans left, but fox news is really misleading and sensationalist

7. no one is happy with the government nowadays

EDIT.

so, i just read about how senate republicans basically filibustered legislation that would end tax breaks for big oil companies, and how those who participated in the filibustered received huge contributions from big oil over the past decade. now, i'm not surprised that people who received money from oil companies looked out for oil companies' best interests, but i am surprised that the republicans actually did this. after all their honkering about the free market and the importance of reducing the deficit, how do they justify collectively moving to extend tax benefits for one of the most prosperous industries in america? i think it's amazingly clear how the gop doesn't really believe in the free market and that both sides are now just locked in a spite battle, rejecting what the other party is trying to do just because it's the other party. disgusting. i wish i didn't follow politics.

Wednesday, 08 February 2012

Why Do You Want to Be a Teacher, Sam?

Why do you want to become a teacher, Sam?

I want to become a teacher because there is no feeling in this world, short of experiencing the complexity of love, that amounts to the sensation of witnessing education take its place. There is no moment like the moment when a child gets it, when two minds meet and an exchange is had, when a thought is inspired and expands through the growing mind like a sheet of paper catching a flame; there is no sight more beautiful than the glow of knowledge dawning upon the easing wrinkles of a sea of foreheads, endlessly swaying with the hair-strands of possibility. I want to become a teacher because I believe in education, that it is the vitality, the essence, of humanity and morality, and through it we can manage our ecology and economy efficiently. I want to become a teacher because it is only when we have critical, developed minds when we can innovate, invigorate, and appreciate, because it is only after we question authority we can speak with it - and education strives to develop critical, questioning, and authoritative minds that can change, inspire, and create products, possibilities, and professions that conform the world to its humanity. I want to become a teacher because it is the only means towards social justice: attacking misconceptions, providing resources for success, and allowing for the growth of students of all color and creed. I want to become a teacher because I want to make a difference, because at the end of the day I know it is what I am called to do, because there is no greater profession than guiding the future of our culture and society. I love education, I love teaching, and I love the opportunity it offers to do something that matters, to edify students and open up doors for their intellectual, moral, personal, and spiritual development. I want to become a teacher because it I am good at it, because it is what I am passionate about, and because it is who I am.